What Ski Bum Stereotype Are You?
I know - The Ski Bum Stereotype article is the most basic, overwritten piece of garbage in the history of snowsports blogging, but fuck it, we’re putting you in a box. Which Ski Bum stereotype sort-of-but-not-really describes you?!
Girl, you are a workhorse. For you, the best part of waking up is the sweet serenade of hand charges at sunrise. While patrolling looks like all glory and first tracks on pow days, you have no problems with the less glamorous parts like putting in 10+ hour days hauling bamboo and heavy packs around the mountain, shoveling feet of snow, setting a few broken bones, and telling the kooks how to behave themselves because looking back on a season of 100+ days on snow makes it all worthwhile.
The First Chair Matriarch
Those young 20-something queens with their fat skis and their GoPros ain’t got shit on you. By the time they’ve rolled out of bed and washed the hangover funk off, you’re already lined up and ready load the chair for the first laps of the day, and when they have to clock in for an afternoon shift at the local dive bar you’ll be heading home to soak in the hot tub and revel in the fact that you haven’t had roommates in many years, because being an actual adult is awesome. Those days of chasing cheap beer and cute boys at the bar are behind you, but the days of fresh tracks and skiing bell to bell are here to stay.
While your parents had high hopes for you getting into an Ivy League school, the only thing that mattered to you when choosing a college was the distance to the closest mountain. With a full class load, instructing was the best way to ensure you could spend weekends and holidays riding while making a little extra cash (those books don’t buy themselves). Sure, sometimes you spend the whole day on the bunny hill, but you still get to take advantage of ride breaks, and inspiring the next generation of rippers is pretty cool, I guess.
The Aspiring Pro
You spend hours watching Eva Walkner or Estelle Balet’s runs from the FWT, you’ve worked 4 jobs all summer long to save up for entry fees, and gas money, and you’re ready to fight the next person who says “no one cares about women’s skiing/snowboarding” (they should be scared, too, because all those hours spent in the gym didn’t just prepare you for ski season). This season is going to be the season you stick the backie, or move from 2* to 4*, or from FWQ to FWT - Haters be damned.
The Urban Queen
It’s more likely you’ll be found shredding the downtown plaza than waiting in line for the first tram. You spent all fall working on the farm to save up for the DSLR and obviously you’re hike back up and hit that handrail again. Beneath that trap queen meets yoga instructor swagger is a sharp-as-fuck-woman who ain’t afraid to take a few slams to get the shot.
The Backcountry Chick
You love waking up at the trailhead in the back of your Subaru/Tacoma/Van for an alpine start. You get excited about digging pits and nerding out over snow crystals. You check the weather and avalanche forecast the way most people check their social media (but you’re checking that too…for beta) Potential dates must have at least an AIARE Level 1. Your idea of a tropical vacation is a hut trip in the spring.
The Token Hot Dude
You’re thinking “Wait, wtf. Why is there only one stereotype for men, and why is it only about his looks. Men shred too! It’s like everyone thinks all men are the same or that they can’t handle their shit in the mountains. Is that dude wearing snowboard boots with skis? I knew I shouldn’t have wasted my time on this click-bait garbage. That’s it, I’m unfollowing Lady Parts.”